Parenting is never easy. I am faced with a decision today. Do I let me daughter go to Homecoming tonight, or do I make her stay home?
She is 14 years old, but has been pushing boundaries. She is currently serving time (grounded) for poor choices she has made lately. The crime was so severe, that it was necessary to give her many consequences and keep her in her cell (room) without current technology, that ability to communicate to the outside world, or have any fun, what-so-ever.
However, I am faced with the decision to allow her to go to Homecoming. She didn't ask to go. She figured that she was grounded and that was that. But as I listened to the Homecoming football game last night from my bedroom window, I started feeling bad.
I began questioning whether I was providing a punishment that fit the crime, or if I was being overly strict to avoid a repeat offense. Should I drop her off, allowing her a few hours to experience her first Homecoming, and then pick her up? Or should I make her stay home and suck it up, hoping she will learn something from sitting in her room starring at the ceiling all night?
If it were me, and it has been to a degree, I would have appreciated my mother allowing me to go, with limits. I would have appreciated being allowed to experience the Homecoming thing, rather than resent my mother for making me sit in my room all night, while I learned absolutely nothing from the experience. Let's face it, teenagers are self absorbed creatures.
What do you all think? Should I make her sit at home, or go with limits?
She is 14 years old, but has been pushing boundaries. She is currently serving time (grounded) for poor choices she has made lately. The crime was so severe, that it was necessary to give her many consequences and keep her in her cell (room) without current technology, that ability to communicate to the outside world, or have any fun, what-so-ever.
However, I am faced with the decision to allow her to go to Homecoming. She didn't ask to go. She figured that she was grounded and that was that. But as I listened to the Homecoming football game last night from my bedroom window, I started feeling bad.
I began questioning whether I was providing a punishment that fit the crime, or if I was being overly strict to avoid a repeat offense. Should I drop her off, allowing her a few hours to experience her first Homecoming, and then pick her up? Or should I make her stay home and suck it up, hoping she will learn something from sitting in her room starring at the ceiling all night?
If it were me, and it has been to a degree, I would have appreciated my mother allowing me to go, with limits. I would have appreciated being allowed to experience the Homecoming thing, rather than resent my mother for making me sit in my room all night, while I learned absolutely nothing from the experience. Let's face it, teenagers are self absorbed creatures.
What do you all think? Should I make her sit at home, or go with limits?
I'm not a parent. So, know that when reading this. I think if it was that she had really wanted to go, let her. A little compassion can go a long way in developing respect. I would add a day at the end of grounding to make up for the "free" day. I would also make it clear that this is not going to happen again, that it is a 1 time get out of jail free. Plus, you have probably already spent money on the dress and what not. Now, you are the only one who knows your kid. If she isn't going to learn the lesson that you are teaching if you let her go, don't. Parenting is a difficult and often thankless job. You are doing the hard part of parenting by teaching lessons of actions and consequences. Many parents are so concerned with being a friend that they don't want to teach the hard lessons anymore. Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I just wanted to leave a quick note to let you know that I took your suggestion. I dropped her off right as it opened and picked her up right when it finished. She had a great time and it reestablished trust between the two of us.
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