Homecoming or NO Homecoming, that is the question....

Parenting is never easy. I am faced with a decision today. Do I let me daughter go to Homecoming tonight, or do I make her stay home?

She is 14 years old, but has been pushing boundaries. She is currently serving time (grounded) for poor choices she has made lately. The crime was so severe, that it was necessary to give her many consequences and keep her in her cell (room) without current technology, that ability to communicate to the outside world, or have any fun, what-so-ever.

However, I am faced with the decision to allow her to go to Homecoming. She didn't ask to go. She figured that she was grounded and that was that. But as I listened to the Homecoming football game last night from my bedroom window, I started feeling bad.

I began questioning whether I was providing a punishment that fit the crime, or if I was being overly strict to avoid a repeat offense. Should I drop her off, allowing her a few hours to experience her first Homecoming, and then pick her up? Or should I make her stay home and suck it up, hoping she will learn something from sitting in her room starring at the ceiling all night?

If it were me, and it has been to a degree, I would have appreciated my mother allowing me to go, with limits. I would have appreciated being allowed to experience the Homecoming thing, rather than resent my mother for making me sit in my room all night, while I learned absolutely nothing from the experience. Let's face it, teenagers are self absorbed creatures.

What do you all think? Should I make her sit at home, or go with limits?

Happy 1st Birthday to Pumpkie!

One year ago, today, I was scheduled for a C-section. My daughter was breech, with the cord wrapped around her neck. I was 36 weeks, 6 days pregnant, and I had been contracting for weeks. Although my previous two children were born vaginally, this was a whole new experience, and I was kind of scared.

The night before, I had a fabulous "last" meal with my sisters. We dined on Mexican food, courtesy of Lalo's in Moorpark. During the meal, I was contracting pretty hard, but that was becoming a normal thing for me. We finished and decided to go to Target to pick up some baby things. Both my sisters were having a grand time finding the cutest baby items to buy for their newest niece. I was miserable, walking through the isles, having the hardest contractions I felt, thus far. I finally called it a night around 9pm and headed home.

The next morning, I got up and got ready. I thought, "Hey, this scheduled C-section thing isn't such a bad thing. I can look fabulous when the pictures are taken! No sweating and laboring. I just go in and they pull her out. Presto!"

We arrived at the hospital right on time, at 6am. As soon as we checked in they said, "You'll be delivering your twins today?" Billy and I looked at each other and said, "Wait! What? Twins? I thought there was only one baby in here!" We went up and they got me hooked up. Then the nurse comes in and says the same thing, in her cheery voice. "So, we'll be delivering twins today, right?" I'm not sure I've ever seen blood drain from a man's face so fast in my life!

That, of course, was some clerical error. I'm not sure how it all began, because I didn't care. I was contracting pretty hard by that time and I knew I only had one baby in me, even though they kept coming up with this twins stuff.

By now, everyone who was supposed to be there, was there. My sister came in from Vegas the night before, and she arrived with my other sister. My two other daughters were there, and we were all waiting on my doctor to arrive. Once he came in, there seemed to be some confusion amongst the staff. I'm pretty sure it had to do with a C-section being performed on a 36 week-er. The staff shuffled out of the room and then the telephone rang. It was my doctor.

He told me that they were going to send me home, because he thought my water would break by now and was worried about the cord coming through the canal, causing the baby's oxygen supply to cut off since the cord was around her neck. However, my water didn't break and he felt one more week would allow the baby to develop better. Are you freakin' kidding me??

I hung up the phone and sat there in disbelief. I had to tell everyone we were going home and that my sister, who traveled pretty far, left her family and responsibilities, did it for nothing. Not only that, but she had to make the trip out again next weekend. She was going to kill me. Naturally, I did the only thing I could think of at that moment.....

When the doctor came in to announce my departure, I kindly said, "Dr. Van Geem, would you mind checking me, just as a precaution, before you send me home? I've been contracting all night and they are pretty strong." He sent everyone out of the room while he did his check.

Sure enough, I was dilated to 4cm and in active labor. Guess we'll be occupying a room instead of checking out of Club Med!

After they drugged me up and layed me out, Jesus style on that table, I started crying. I was scared shitless. Probably due to the fact that I was unable to feel, move or do anything, and that is quite the vulnerable state to be in. Billy came in and grabbed my hand, told me a few things and I felt better. They asked me if I wanted to watch my child being born. I really didn't want to, but they have those mirrored lights above your head and I couldn't help seeing what was going on.

I watched in fascination as they cut me open. The water poured out, and I could see her legs. The doc pulled her out and I heard her cry for the first time. It was such a miracle, of the modern kind. I couldn't believe that we made this beautiful little girl (let's not lie here, I did all the work). I continue to be amazed at her development over time.

Happy 1st Birthday to my little Pumpkie! Boy, this year has gone by very fast. You are taking your first steps, have nine teeth, you say "mama, dada, yaya, baba, whatssat", you wave hello and goodbye, clap your hands, dance every time you hear music, you love being outside and would live outside if I let you, and you are very expressive with whatever you are babbling. We love you, and are so very proud of you!

Ground Hog's Day

Ground Hog's Day.....

You know what that is, right? It's when one day, continues to repeat itself, everyday.

I wish my day off would repeat itself, but that's not really what's going on here. Instead, it goes a little something like this:

Wake up at the butt crack of dawn, to a little baby face, in my face, drooling through a mile-wide smile.

Baby decides it's a fabulous idea to head-butt me before grabbing the curtains and ripping them open, revealing the brightest light known to mankind. Good morning to you too, little one!

Get up, grab a cup of coffee, bleary eyed, while the baby makes a bee-line to the toilet. I think she wants to do water aerobics in that bowl, even though I've nailed it shut.

Grab my first, and only sip of HOT coffee of the morning before grabbing the baby to change her diaper.

Lie baby down to change her diaper, and realize those water aerobics have created Herculean strength in this tiny being, because she is strong! I cannot keep her still, or force her down. I somehow manage to change the shitty diaper, without getting any on the walls, and strap a new one on without duct taping her down, but it takes ten long minutes!

 As Lala gets ready for school, she says, "Mom, can you please do my laundry today?"

MY GOD, THE LAUNDRY!! I've decided everyone has to wear their clothes twice before putting it in the dirty hamper, because it is a bottomless pit of work for me! How many outfits can one person wear in a day? Let's review:

Gym clothes, school or work clothes and pajamas. Hello! That's 3 wardrobe changes in one day. Add towels, sheets and bath mats for all of us and there you go.....I am buried alive in laundry. I used to knock it out in one day, but I was spending 7 to 10 hours doing laundry. I've decided to do at least 2 loads a day and manage my time better.

Jump in the shower and get ready for work. Of course, my companion, the little one, will not let that happen without wanting to take one with me, so off we go.

Leave to train clients. Sit in traffic for hours....yay!

Getting. Sleepy. Need. A. Nap!! Not going to happen since I have the "Hummer" of baby car seats in my car, preventing my seat from lying down. I cannot fall asleep in a locked car, seated upright, for fear that some idiot would actually try and car jack me. 

Baby has been a trouper all day, so I take her to the park to get some "play" time (as if the whole day isn't a play day for a baby....shhhhh, we'll keep that to ourselves). Swing, swing, swing....okay time to go.

Head home in more traffic. Did I mention the commute is an hour long, without traffic?

Arrive home, exhausted, but still have to get a workout in. Please, someone hit the pause button on the day so I can take a 20 minute nap? Oh and dinner needs to be cooked for the family, since they're all sitting around waiting for me, with sad, droopy eyes, wondering when they'll be fed.

Fix dinner, eat a few scraps and head to get my pump on! Finally, some "me" time.

Plug in my ear buds and rock out to my music while lifting weights. In between sets, I play a few games on my phone. I notice the "monkey heads" looking at me like I'm a slacker. "Don't judge me you buffoon! I'm going to milk every minute of this break for what it's worth, because once I get back home, I am back on duty!"

Clean up the dishes. Hand the baby over to daddy to put her to sleep. My work is done and I can relax. Bliss!

Grab the remote, the laptop, and tune out the real world. Until, I notice the ant crawling across the computer screen.........

There is never just one ant. The search begins. Crawl around the floor, pull the sofa out and find the first of three trails. I will not deal with this crap this year!! They are becoming mutant ants, taking the poison I feed them back to the nest, and still survive. I'm over it!! Die,tiny F%#$ers!! Die!!

I assume the position on the couch, get really comfy, grab my trusted remote (I love my little buddy) and then start my show. I hear..........WAAAAAAAA coming from the back of the house and I. Give. Up! Time for bed.

Tomorrow will be another day, but it'll be Ground Hog's day all over again. I don't mind, though, because when it's all said and done, I have purpose, a family and a life I love living! I may not get to do the things I really want to do each day, but that's okay. That will change later in life, when I'm older, and can eat dinner at 4:30pm at Marie Calender's and be asleep by 7:30pm. In fact, if my hips don't fail me, I'll make sure to do my own water aerobics, wear adult diapers and make little Pumpkie take care of me! Now, that's what I'm talking about!!!

Mr. Mom!!

It's 9:38pm on a Saturday night,
And all through the house,
Not a child is stirring, not even my spouse.
When all of the sudden, I realize there's no noise,
I grab the remote in the pile of toys,
Assume the position on the soft, comfy couch,
Stick my hand down the front of my pants, like a slouch!
I'm enjoying the role of Daddy today,
I worked, I shopped, and came home with a smile,
I was greeted by my children, arms stretched out a mile.
They had hugs and giggles waiting for me,
Play with me, play with me, will you Mommy?
I will, I will, you joyful little things,
But first let me check in with Mr. Mom and see if it stings.
"Hi hon, how was your day?", I said with a straight face,
Holding back my laughter with all of my grace.
Knowing the answer would not be good,
Knowing exactly where he stood,
I've been there before, in fact, every day,
I have no sympathy, it's time for you to pay!
All the shit that I go through with these perfect little girls,
I deserve the world's riches, payable in diamonds and pearls!
I think he gets it, after a day like today,
If not, I could do it all over again, in fact, I just may!
These are the trenches of parenthood, my friend,
You don't get a break, a second or two,
To gather yourself or sit down to privately poo.
They're there in your face, demanding your attention,
Complaining, screaming and crying, did I mention?
You thought I was exaggerating, complaining and whinning,
How does it feel to be the one sighing?
It's not that I wish this on you, my dear,
I just want you to get it, loud and clear.
Don't leave me alone for long periods of time,
I'm often stretched to my limit, close to losing my mind!
I love them, I do, with all of my heart,
They're gorgeous, creative, outgoing and smart.
They find new ways to challenge my patience every day,
So I'm glad it was you, that had the price to pay,
On a day like today, when it all seemed fine,
They got on your nerves and crossed that line.
You know what I go through, and you fought a good fight..........
Happy bedtime to all, and to all a goodnight!

Surviving spring break...

I hope everyone had a great Passover or Easter weekend! I am really glad it is over, and I'm even more excited about the new week starting, since everyone will be back on schedule.

We had spring break this past week, and it was an interesting one. I picked up a few more clients, which increased my workload (very good thing), and the gang was home all week. The good news is that we all survived. The bad news is that we barely did!

Pumpkie must be teething again, but this time, the tooth that is coming in must be as big as her head! Holy Toledo, batman!! The drool this child expels is astounding! I had no idea a little person her size could produce that much saliva. I finally had to tape a bucket to her head just to slow down the laundry loads!

Lala decided it was a good idea to carve her name into my kitchen table. After I reminded her that my table was not a park bench, I grounded her and told her that she wouldn't be bored because she was going to sand down the table and refinish it over the break! Brilliant!

Belle decided it was a good idea to keep pushing boundaries, because apparently, that's what six year old's do. After bouncing a ball in the house, I told her to stop and put the basketball away. A minute later she bounces a volleyball! For the love of.....

"Belle, I told you NOT to bounce the ball in the house."
"You said not to bounce the basketball."
"No, I said not to bounce the ball and put the basketball away. Now you have to sit in time out for 5 minutes."

1 minute into timeout

Belle, bouncing in the chair says,"Do I have 1 minute left?"
"No, you have 4 minutes left. Please sit still."

2 minutes into timeout

Belle, still bouncing and getting louder, "How many more minutes do I have left?"
"You have 3 more minutes, but if you continue to talk, then I'd be happy to add another 5 minutes."

Silence.....

3 minutes into timeout....

Blood curdling scream, followed by, "HELP, my arm is stuck!!". She had managed to stick her arm in between the slats of the chair backing and could not get her arm out. In fact, I couldn't get her arm out! I panicked for 2 seconds and then she looked at me with big, teary eyes and screamed, "Can you get some tools or something??" I'm laughing now, but it wasn't funny then!

Essentially, this week had it's ups and downs, but we survived. I learned a few things. I learned that the women who hire nannies are not lazy. They are the brightest women on the planet! In fact, they are so in tune with their capabilities, that they know they can't do it alone. I, on the other hand, thought I could, and realize I will probably be a better mother if I hire someone a few times a week to watch the squirt! Twice a week is enough for now. I am on a mission to gain balance in my life!

I wish timeout's worked on teenagers. It doesn't, and we are left to take things away or ground them for life, because they push boundaries in a whole new way. Lala decided that last night she would stay out past curfew with her friend. I was around the corner working out at the gym, when I text her to find out where she was. I actually drove to the location, made a huge production about her being late and breaking curfew, and stormed out of the store! That'll teach her!! As I'm driving home, I notice the street lights aren't on yet, and it dawns on me that I changed her curfew! Ooohhh CRAP!! I completely forgot about it and now I had to apologize for my error, embarrassing her in front of the store employees, and her friend. Whoops! Major mama fail. I came right home and put myself in timeout!

Oh well, we all make mistakes. I'll try to remember that the next time one of the children messes up, acts out, or pushes boundaries. Then again, with my luck, I will probably forget and become a ranting lunatic before it hits me and I have to sit in timeout. But because I'm the Mom, I can sit in timeout with and adult beverage, and not have to talk to anyone. Hmmm, maybe I should put myself in timeout more often? Just a thought! Insert evil grin.........

I want the Daddy job!

Perhaps I shouldn't whine about motherhood. After all, it's not like I've been blindsided this time around, and it IS something I signed up for. However, on occasion I would like to hide under the blankets and pretend I don't hear them.

My 13-year-old, Lala, thinks I am a taxi cab, but forgets to tip me every time I drive her around town. My 20-year-old, Pip, thinks I don't know what it's like to be her or her age. My 10 month old, Pumpkie, thinks the world of me. In fact, no one else will do. She is constantly wanting my attention, and crying if I'm not within eye shot. Luckily, by the time Pumpkie is 20, I will have loads of experience that nobody warned me about ahead of time.

Nobody tells you that you will have the thankless job that is Mom, 24/7, 365 days a year and never, ever ends. Not even at night when they are supposed to be sleeping. Sure, they tell you that you will have sleepless nights when they are under two years old, but they don't tell you about the sleepless nights from illness, nightmares, restlessness, potty training, hunger pangs, sleep overs, and missed curfews.

They certainly don't tell you or warn you that you will be tired from not only sleepless nights, but from running around after little ones all day long. They don't mention that the day seems endless 30 minutes into it because your little bundle of joy woke up on the wrong side of the bed, your older daughters have decided to cycle together and are grumpy from PMSing and you are their primary target! They don't tell you to have a plan, and be organized because you will have exactly 30 minutes of free time to whip through the house like a fairy, and clean it while your little one takes a nap.

They'll withhold the important piece of information too. You will not have anytime to get yourself put together most days. And on those days, you will have to choose between cleaning up the house or throwing some make-up on your pale face. They make it seem glamorous and perfect when they look like a million bucks and walk their put-together baby down to the playground, (while you have last night's dried drool on the side of your face) gushing over their perfect baby and their perfect life. It's a load of crap. No one wants to say how much it sucks to make the sacrifices that you make for your children, your spouse and your career. You are fortunate to have me as your friend and guide. I will not mislead you, I promise!

Your primary job is to raise these wonderful children into fantastic, responsible, law abiding citizens who become valuable contributors to our society. It is a huge undertaking and a massive job that requires skill, patience, drive, attention and love. BUT the one job that I really want....I want to be DADDY!

Daddy can do no wrong. He gets to swoop in and save the day. Everyone listens to him when he walks through the door. He gets to be the jokster, the good time Charlie, and the hero. He gets to go to work and make money, escaping all the whining, crying, demands, dirty diapers, taxi driving, complaining, homework and chores. Do you know what else he gets to do? He gets to play! He gets to hang out with the guys, play golf, play basketball, tune out, tune in, read, take naps and shower without anyone walking in. Yep! That's the job I want....sign me up!!

I propose that we have Mother's Day at least once a month. This once a year crap is NOT enough! Daddy gets to have his day pretty much everyday, so we should eliminate Father's Day altogether. On Mother's Day, we should have a 2 hour massage, a Cosmo, a manicure/pedicure, a Cosmo, dinner cooked for us while the rest of the family serves us and we should be able to have at least 3 hours to ourselves, with a few Cosmos. What do you ladies think?

All kidding aside, motherhood is not for the weak. The sacrifices that you make are often overlooked, unappreciated and undervalued. You will feel overwhelmed a lot of the time. You will feel like "this" phase will never end. It does and you go through a new phase. Personally, I struggled with building an adult relationship with my eldest. It's very hard for me to let go and allow my children to make their own mistakes. Eventually I will, and pray that I have done my job well and she can pick herself up and move on. It's probably the hardest stage for me. I feel like she's walking for the first time all over again. I know she is going to fall, but I want to be right there to make sure the blow isn't too bad.

Although it's the hardest job I have ever done, I do not regret one minute of it. I have a forum to rant, and rant I will. Because at the end of the day, I will sacrifice everything for those I love. Motherhood may be an endless, thankless job, but one that is so worth it!

Now, where did I put my drink?

Motherhood Failure - Take 2

Yesterday I had a moment in which I realized I have some short comings as a renewed parent. I say renewed because I have 2 older children and now a baby.

When I had little Pumpkie, I was thrilled! I always knew I was destined for one more child. I just hadn't really convinced the selfish side of me. The side that was finished with the raising of young children. I was moving on to raising young adults and they are far more independent than the little ones. I had tasted sweet freedom and I rather enjoyed it's taste.

The first time I "failed" my little angel was on our first doctor's visit. I had become accustomed to maneuvering through life without all the additional packaging that one little baby requires. So off I trotted to the doctor's office with baby in tow. I made sure to dress her in the cutest outfit possible, assuring myself a compliment or two from the nursing staff about how adorable little Pumpkie is!

The nurse took us to the room to weigh and measure her. She tells me that I need to take off all of Pumpkie's clothes and put her on the scale. As I removed the diaper from my perfectly presented infant, I see she has left me the nicest little present loaded from front to back. It's then that I realize that I completely forgot to bring a diaper bag and therefore, forgot diapers! Are you kidding me??? For the love of Pete! I lowered my head and begged the nurse for mercy.....I vowed then to be a better parent. Yeah right!

Yesterday, Pumpkie and I were driving home (she had been in the car with me all day) and she wanted out. She began with a little fussing, which then turned into wailing. I felt bad that she was in the car seat on and off throughout the day while I worked. But Mama's gotta do what Mama's gotta do! I tried talking to her but that only agitated her because she wanted to be held. I thought "Oh, I'll sing to her!"

I started with the ABC's because that's one that I know. She stopped screaming. Thank you God!! Once the song was over, I began with "The Wheels on the Bus" and followed it up with "Itsy Bitsy Spider". I began searching my memory index for another kids song. Holy crap! Why can't I remember anymore kids songs? This is B.A.D.!!

Blank. Nothing. WHAT THE HECK? Why on Earth can I not remember anymore kids songs? Then "Sunshine" popped into my head. So I sang....

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy, when skies are gray
You'll never know dear how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away
The other night as you lay sleeping (wait, those aren't the words)
I forgot the lyrics to this silly song
But I will keep the rhythm and maybe hummm
So you don't start crying all over again

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.....

I remembered that the song isn't important. It's the singing that is most important and hearing my voice. So I threw in a CD and started singing "Drink in my Hand" by Eric Church. Lord knows I needed one after the day I had!

I know, in the grand scheme of things, this is really unimportant. However, I would like to be able to be baby competent and know some more kids songs. It's pathetic when you can't even recall the lyrics to "Mockingbird". Please, help a sister out here!! Barney is no longer popular and I've lost all my VHS tapes of that annoying purple dinosaur.

Yesterday, I felt shame and failure as a parent. Today, I realize I am not above asking for some assistance from wiser, more experienced parents. After all, we learn more from the failures in life than we ever could from being a know-it-all. :)

Magic Kingdom

I apologize for my absence. We have been off having a bit of fun at the "Magical Kingdom" for Belle's sixth birthday! Belle's Mom, Kristin arranged the whole trip. She is an angel! Her boyfriend, Chris, joined us once we arrived at the hotel. Billy's parents arrived from Las Vegas and off we went.

On our drive, I confessed to Billy that I have a big flaw. A crack in the armor, if you will. Don't get me wrong, I love Disneyland as much as the next person. I love the the experience, the magic of the place and all the wonder. I love the lights at night because it gives it that extra magic. I feel like a princess going all the way back to my childhood. But 10 minutes into my experience, I become a mad woman! There. Are. Too. Many. Freakin'. People!!!

I become the creature from the black lagoon. I'm cranky, rude and start cutting people off left and right. I can't help making comments that I would never make if I wasn't driven to the point of madness! There are simply too many people sandwiched into that place. The lines can be long and treacherous. Suddenly, the warm, fuzzy feeling inside goes away and the Cruela De Ville inside of me comes out.

I explained to Billy that I was self-talking all week. I wasn't going to let this get me down. I would rise above it and go with the flow. We had two whole days to experience the magic through our children's eyes. He looked at me like I was nuts! He honestly thought I was a bit extreme and had no idea what I was talking about.

We arrive and I was shocked that there was a lot of wiggle room to maneuver around. Waiting time for most rides were about 15 minutes, which is unheard of!

One hour into our adventure we decide to head over to Big Thunder Mountain. That's when it happened. We hit a sea of people and it was Billy who lost his mind! I could feel the tension building up inside of him. In addition to that, our group was breaking up with all those people cutting into our invisible bubble. I know all too well the emotion of wanting to punch someone because it's just too much!

We managed to get through that moment because it eventually cleared and we were on our way. Running from ride to ride. Enjoying the wonder on the kids' faces, we just took in the experience. We decided to call it a night around 9:30pm and head back to the hotel.

The next day, it was POURING rain! We actually were delusional in our thinking. We got on the shuttle and made it to Disneyland, got off the shuttle and decided that was a bad move. Sideways rain, huge drops of falling rain and a chilly wind that was knocking the ponchos off of people. Kristin, Belle and Chris were already inside the park. The five of us, plus little Pumpkie, were not interested in getting pulverized by the rain. We came up with a better plan - March Madness and a beer inside of a dry, warm sports bar!

We were able to get vouchers to come back another time due to the bad weather. We enjoyed the time spent with each other and will brave it once again sometime soon, but not too soon. I think Billy still needs a few weeks to forget his experience.

I, on the other hand, realize that I am no longer six years old. The lens in which I viewed Disneyland is now jaded by over priced food, crowd control issues, and smart-mouthed staffers. But when you're a child, you see the magic, the wonder and the fun inside that park. I really want my children to experience that. So we will go back, with our swords raised overhead, slicing through the crowds and giving our children the experience of a lifetime.....because they deserve it!

Graham Crackers

There was a time in my life where I was stumped. Which fragrance should I put on to go out? Should I be seductive? Sweet? Saucy? Hmmmm....I think I'll wear Prada! Yep, that's perfect for this evening. I would constantly get those appreciated compliments. "You smell GOOD! What is that?" I would thank them and never tell my secret, for fear that someone else would show up with my scent. No, that will not do!

These days? Yeah, quite different. Just like my life. Vastly different, in fact! I've traded in the signature scent of Prada, for the sweet smelling aroma of graham cracker! Oh yeah, I know you're jealous! You too, can be this sexy!! You can have graham cracker crumbs falling into your lap while you run your fingers through your hair, trying to capture the eye of your man while he surfs the channels on TV! You stretch out on that sofa, thinking maybe if I stretch just enough, run my fingers through my hair, tilt my head back just like this.....WTF?? What IS that?? Oh my God, it's the damn graham cracker again! I guess it's the flannel pj's tonight instead of the lingerie. Darn it!

Yep, having a baby is so darn sexy! You go from being a smitten kitten to a walking velcro board for crumbs, milk and any other food that can attach itself to you from those adorable little fingers you made sure were perfect the minute they entered this world. In the meantime, you have crumbs in your hair, vomit on your shoulder and shit stuck on your arm (I still can't figure out how that one happens). I can't really blame him for not wanting to cuddle up too much when I smell like a bigger version of our child most of the time.

Half the time, I'm lucky to get either my make up or my hair done. I'm a half done person. On a good day, I can get both done. On an average day, I'm not that fortunate. Shoot, I savor the moments when I can actually get a shower alone, without the baby attached to me somehow. Otherwise, I don't get a shower. So in she goes with me. But when I get out I have exactly 10 minutes to get dressed, moisturize and choose either hair or make up. That's it! That's all I get. Then the wailing begins because she's bored. Actually, her new trick is to crawl over to the toilet paper and unravel it and shred it to little bits until I grab her and redirect her attention.

I try. I really do. I'd like to look all put together by the time Billy gets home. I wouldn't want to walk in seeing me if I were him. Because if it were really my choice, I wouldn't give two shits what I looked like. But when you live with someone else, you make an effort to look nice and presentable because they have to look at you..... with beady little criticizing eyes!

So there I am, proud that I put my make up on at least. But the hair is pulled back in a bun, a ponytail or ball cap. Sometimes all three. With graham cracker tidbits on my shirt, my pants and my hair. Spit up and mashed bananas on my shoulder and well, usually I've figured out that the poop managed to find a way to attach itself to my arm and I've cleaned it off. With a smile on my face as he walks in the door, I listen patiently as he tells me about his day and all he's been dealing with. But really inside, I'm thinking "does he notice that I look like a librarian? Is he going to take this baby from me so I can hose off?"

The Prada seems like a very distant memory. I've traded in more than just the fragrance. But when I come through the door after working on a Saturday morning and see Billy playing Mr. Mom in his pj's at 11am, dancing for the girls in a sea of baby toys in the living room, I realize I'm not the only one who's traded in the fragrance. I'm pretty lucky to have him in the trenches with me. Graham crackers and all......