Break The Silence

Tonight I feel like sharing something personal. My motivation in writing this confessional would be to start the healing process, and to share our story so that if I can help just one person reach out and ask for help, then they too, can start to heal.

Some of you know the story, but for many of you, this will be new. In 2008, I received a phone call that would change my family's life forever. Two of my nieces had told their parents (my brother and my sister) that my mother's husband had molested them. At the time, it was suggested that I take my children in to be questioned by a detective to see if either of them had been molested.

As my head spun, I had a really hard time wrapping my head around everything. Both of my children, who were 9 and 16 years old at the time, denied any molestation by my stepfather. I had never heard of any accusation against my stepfather at the time, so it was real hard to believe. He was a stand up guy. Someone who was always there for you. Willing to help us financially, and emotionally. But my nieces were positive that he molested them. I figured if a 68 year old man had a history of accusations, then he was probably guilty. If there were no other accusations, then it was possible that the children were confused. I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

I made one phone call. Just one, and found out that 3 other people have accused him over the years of molesting them. But nobody believed them. How is that possible? 3 different kids, all spoke up and nobody believed them. They struggled, and continue to struggle in life. Substance abuse, depression, anxiety and fear have all but damaged these people for the rest of their lives. However, because of those behaviors, when they did decide to speak up, Nobody believed them . They believed the molester because he was a good person, a good citizen and would "give you the shirt off his back" if you needed it. People believed him because he was a pillar of success, paid for so many things and helped so many people. And these kids, who are adults now, lost their way in life and were discarded because they could not cope with what he did to them.

Going through 2008 & 2009 was very difficult. My mother took her husbands' side and devoted her every waking moment to his defense. We (her 4 kids) rallied around our children and defended them. We believed them and so did the DA. This case tore our family apart. In the end, Thornton A. Gillis was found guilty on multiple counts of child sexual abuse. He was sentenced to 2 consecutive terms of 15 years to life. For a 69 year old man, this was a death sentence.

If you want to read about it, click here:
http://www.leagle.com/decision/In%20CACO%2020110706012

http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:y6Ve8JLPsRAJ:www.vcstar.com/news/2010/may/13/moorpark-man-69-sentenced-30-years-to-life-for/%3Fprint%3D1+&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us&client=firefox-a

On March 27, 2014 we were supposed to go back to court. My mother was petitioning for his release because he was on his death bed. The original DA and Judge were both coming back for this case because they knew how dangerous this man really is. They did not want him to get out. They really wanted overall justice for these kids. As my sister sat in an airport terminal, ready to board her plane to fly to California for the day, she received a phone call from the DA. Thornton (Gil) had passed away during the evening, in jail, where he belongs.

Finally, my nieces were able to sleep through the night. There were no nightmares to accompany them that night. No sleep aides were needed either. It was the first time in years, these girls have actually had a peaceful night of sleep. That was also a defining moment in my house.

You see, my 15 year old daughter, has been struggling with severe depression, impulse control disorder caused by trauma. For the last 6 or 7 years, my daughter has been slowly slipping away. Falling deeper into a dark hole. I constantly asked her if she was ever touched by him, and she would say no. I knew she struggled with rejection. Anytime she had "boy" issues, she would cut herself. She would self medicate with marijuana on occasion (she has been busted a few times by me). I chalked it up to her feeling so sad that my mom sold our house and we had to move. Or she was sad that she no longer had a relationship with her Grammy. That wasn't it.

A few weeks ago, my daughter came forward. Thornton Gillis also molested my daughter. She held on to her secret for so long, even after all the questioning, trial and everything. The reason she didn't say anything was because he told her, after touching her, that she shouldn't tell Grammy. Grammy would get very mad at her. My daughter is very compliant and would never want to upset her Grammy. Of course when Grammy found out about the other kids, she did get mad. She didn't question the kids, or stand by her children and grandchildren. She accused everyone of wanting to break up her marriage. My daughter saw this unfold and it sent her into her own private hell. My daughter told me that she was scared that if she did tell, he would come after her and hurt her. She also feared that Grammy would hate her or hurt her too.

What constitutes bullying or intimidation? My daughter was intimidated into silence, not only by this child molester, but by her own grandmother. There I said it. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's a crime. My daughter has been in emotional pain for far too long. She feared losing her relationship with her Grammy so much that she did not tell. You have no idea how angry this makes me. We will not be able to face him in court. We will not get justice for his crime. We will not be able to confront him or to shake my mother awake.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_manipulation

Instead, we will heal. We will take each day as it comes. We will live our lives and revel in each new milestone. We will overcome this pain. We will fight to be as normal as we can be. We will go to therapy and find tools to help us. We have each other. I believe her. I love her. I stand by her. She does not have to travel this road alone.

I will not allow anyone to glorify Thornton's life. They need to know exactly who he is. He may be perceived as a great man, but he wasn't. He had many secrets, and unfortunately, in order to keep us kids in our own private prison (another form of psychological manipulation), he took his secret to the grave.

Again, I write this in hopes that for at least one person out there, you will see this and break the silence. Please tell someone if you have been hurt, bullied, molested, or whatever. You need to speak up and use your voice. It's the one true weapon you have.

Where has country music gone?

Several years ago, listening to Top 40 music, I began to notice that most of the songs I was listening to sounded the same. The songs had the same subject matter. It all seemed artificial. I switched to a new genre of music, or shall I say, switched back to my roots, country music.

I found the songs new, refreshing, and easy to listen to. I loved the story in the songs. I listened with anticipation and found myself wrapped in the arms of the lyrics. I appreciated how special and unique country music was.

As I listen to country music these days, all that made it special and unique, is gone. I feel as though I am listening to pop, rap, or rock music. I really don't want to listen to those genres of music. If I did, I could push a button, change the station, and listen to those genres. It's invading everything I am listening to, and I am not a happy fan!

I listen to 80's and 90's country on XM radio. Last weekend, my favorite station, was polluting the air waves with rock and roll classics thrown into the mix. If I wanted to hear Tom Petty, The Eagles, The Beatles, etc., I would tune into one of those stations.

I get frustrated with that, so I plug my iPhone into my car and play Pandora. As I'm listening to one of my stations (I think it was Little Big Town), Brown Eyed Girl comes on. I hit the "next" button. Then comes Clarence Clearwater with some song. Are you freakin' kidding me? I switched stations. Eric Church was my choice. I listen to a few songs and then "Stand By Me" comes on. Granted, all the songs are good, but I'm totally frustrated because I clearly want country music and I'm getting rock classics. Ugh!!

I switch to the radio. What do I hear? Carrie Underpants singing "Two Black Cadillacs". Switch stations....Jason Aldean's "1994". Banging my head against the steering wheel out of total frustration, I finally grab my Von Cotton CD and put it on.

Is it just me? Has country music become so polluted these days that we don't recognize that we are listening to crap? I realize that music has to evolve, but come on! This watered down version of country music is ridiculous. I would love to hear someone new that can actually have the courage to make country music, the way it is intended.

I am over Taylor Swift and her botching every award show she is on. I am tired of hearing her childish crap on the radio. I am finally done buying anything Jason Aldean makes. I'm really over him rapping. I am becoming irritated with Keith Urban and his electric guitar. Kenny Chesney needs to stop singing about the beach, beer and women (anyone notice more than half his songs are about that?). Tim McGraw should never ever sell out with Taylor Swift again. Carrie Underpants should make the move to pop music.

I want to hear the steel guitar, a banjo, a harmonica. I want to hear some twang. I want to hear more from Jamie Johnson, George Straight, Eric Church (who's pushing the rock envelope - please stop) and the like. Bring back what was unique and special about country music. Bring me back to a time when it felt good to purchase a new album and memorize every song. I can't even think of the last album I bought, it was so long ago. I like listening to the older stuff, but I know all those songs and I'd love to have something new to fall in love with.

If you feel the same way, pass this along, tell your friends and let's do something about it!!

An open letter to Dottie Sandusky and women like her...

I just read an article about Jerry Sandusky's wife, Dottie, writing a defiant letter to the judge before the Sandusky sentencing, attacking the victims motives, expressing her loss of faith in the judicial system and insisting he isn't a child molester.

"Dottie Sandusky wrote July 9 that she never saw her husband do anything inappropriate to any child, a statement that echoed her trial testimony. She was deeply critical of her son Matt Sandusky, who had been expected to be a defense witness until the trial, when he claimed to investigators he also had been abused by Jerry Sandusky."

Matt Sandusky has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, "but he refuses to take his medication," she wrote. "He has had many run-ins with the law and stolen money and items from our family."

Do all women whose husbands have been convicted of child molestation, jump to this defense? Is there a manual somewhere that has this strategy written down, verbatim? It's becoming the classic defense for these women. They are blaming the victims of conspiracy. The judicial system of failing to work. And claiming that their husband's are not child molesters. Ladies, you need to get in touch with reality!

Child sexual abuse is nothing new. In fact, it's been going on for decades. One of the reasons we are hearing so much about it over the last several years is because there are so many brave men and women, boys and girls, coming forward. When they come forward, it takes a level of courage and strength to confront their abuser. Since they have continued to come forward, we have learned more about this very sick secret, haunting so many people all over the world. We have, as a society, convicted more and more people of child sexual abuse.

In doing research over the last several years, I have learned a lot. I am no psychologist, but the facts are out there for us to learn. The most astounding fact that I learned is this:

If a person is accused of child sexual abuse, has more than one victim and a history of accusations, they are 100% guilty of the crime. There are no other exceptions, excuses, or reasons. They are guilty. Period.

I think we as a society, clearly understand that. But for the women that love and are married to the  offender, it becomes a very blurred line. I believe they have a hard time wrapping their mind around the man that they know and love, and the monster he's accused, and often times, convicted, of being. It must be difficult for women like Dottie Sandusky to separate the man she knows, loves and spent her life with, and come to terms with the fact that he was all those things AND that he is a child molester.

A person can be many things, including putting on one hat to fill a role, and putting on another hat to fill another. Each one of us do it every day. We go to work as one person, and come home to become our natural selves. It's not that far fetched to believe that he did just that.

She says she "never saw him do anything inappropriate to children". Of course she never saw him doing anything inappropriate with children, because he would never allow her to see anything. That's what child molesters do. They keep it very hidden from anyone, except the victim. The victim knows exactly what the child molester is capable of doing. For Dottie or any other woman who supports the child molester, to suggest that the victim is lying, is ridiculous. The only person lying in the scenario, is in fact, the child molester. They've been doing it successfully for years. Plus, they don't see themselves as monsters. They think they are loving the child. It's sick and twisted, but true.

Sadly, my mother is one of these women. Conspiracy theories, victims motives, loss of faith in the judicial system, victims lying, and the whole "my husband is innocent" thing, is the script that she followed. I believe that these offenders, often times, manipulate their wives into thinking these things, because it is the only defense they have. Rather than taking responsibility for their actions and really getting the help that they need, they rip families apart and make their wives look like idiots.

In the end, the wife will be the only connection to the outside world that they have, when the rest of the world sees the child molester for exactly what he is.....a monster! I suppose that's motive enough to keep her in the world of denial, conspiracy theories, purple dinosaurs and make believe. And while these women trot off to their weekly visit at the state penitentiary, the rest of us are doing damage control, picking up the pieces of the lives that have been broken.

I hope women in the future will listen to the children (even adults who now have the courage to come forward) and understand that these men are not innocent. They are working you harder than a Presidential Candidate. They want your vote, your support, when everyone else will turn their back. Don't be that person who turns their back on the victim. No matter how betrayed you feel, never turn your back on the victim.

A Kirby, an Altima and Monte

This summer, we took a big leap forward. We enjoyed the kids, the long summer days, the warmth of the sun, county fairs and country concerts. Our commitment to each other and our family intensified when I received a text from my daughter one afternoon.

Lala: "Are you home?"
Me: "No, not yet."
Lala: "Oh okay, cuz (teenager speak) I was gonna ask who's here.. Cuz there's some chick here ._."
Me: "Well, go see who it is."
Lala: "Well, I looked through my door & I think she's vacuuming or something & she's African American with a bunch of dreadlocks."
Me: "Maybe she's trying to sell something."
Lala: "Yeah, sounds like it. But idk ('I don't know' - more teenager speak)
Lala: "Yeah she was giving a demo & and a vacuum. What time will you be back home?"

Exactly two seconds later, Billy texts me (don't they know I'm driving, for Heaven's sake?).

Billy: "When will you be home?"
Me: "10 minutes"
Billy: "There are people here from Kirby giving me a demonstration and I want you to see this. We'll wait for you."
Me: "Ok"

That's when I knew we were going to purchase a Kirby. Which, by the way, is the BEST vacuum I have ever used. Two hours later, and now very late for the county fair, we were committed to a vacuum that does everything, including unclogging sinks! Hallelujah!!

Then a week and a half later, I am on the hunt for a new car. One with better gas mileage, since I put on about 1000 miles a week. Yes, a week. That equates to about $850 in gasoline every month. Plus with 238,000 miles on my former car, I was taking a gamble on whether the car would continue to run, or simply break down. It was time to trade it in.

I found the best car for my needs. A 2013 Nissan Altima, which averages between 33 and 38 miles per gallon. I love my new car and all the money it is saving me in gasoline.

New car + lower fuel costs + new Kirby = $75 savings each month! My family is now safe AND clean! Whoo-hoo!

The kids have been begging us for a dog. Not a fish or hamster. A dog. It was way too hard to have an animal with a new baby, but now that she is moving into the toddler stage, we could revisit the idea of a pet.

We told the kids that once we moved to a bigger home, with a backyard, we would consider having a dog. We felt that it would be fair to the dog, if he/she had more room to run around. However, one post on Facebook, and we completely changed our minds.

We adopted Monte, a male Shitzhu, and welcomed him into our family. He truly is the BEST dog. The kids absolutely love him!! Monte loves the kids. But he is a mama's boy at heart. He follows me everywhere, sleeps under my bed, on my side of it, comes to work with me, and has developed the kids' habit of barging into the bathroom when I am using it. Yes, he fits right in!

Monte does a have a problem trusting men, so his relationship with Billy is still developing. I suggested that Billy hand feed him at least once a day, to help gain trust. I meant, dog food, but Billy thinks Monte will take to him better if he feeds him chicken and steak. I think it's a great idea for bonding, but we may have developed a bit of a food snob.

He's calm, potty trained (the best part) and he doesn't bark. I know, weird, right? He's only barked one time in the last week, and that was because another dog was sniffing a little too close to his parts. He didn't really like that and made himself clear.

All in all, we've been "moving on up". The kids are good, we are good and most certainly, life is good!!

County Fairs and Country Concerts

Each summer, Billy and I look forward to the County Fairs. It's kind of our "thing". We go, we dance, we watch a concert, and we eat fair food. Not necessarily in that order.

This year we kicked off summer with the Santa Barbara State Fair, in Santa Maria. We absolutely loved this fair when we went a few years ago, and saw Little Big Town. We had so much fun, we were laughing and giggling all the way over to the BBQ stand. The employees working that night, decided to poke a little fun at our expense, and challenged us to dance for them. An Eric Church song was playing on the radio, and we were more than happy to oblige. They were so shocked we could actually dance, they gave us free food. That night, we danced for pulled pork sandwiches!

This year, we brought our new sidekicks with us. Kristin (Belle's Mom) and Chris (her boyfriend) are the perfect "fair-mates"! We all met up to watch Sawyer Brown in concert. We had such a good time singing, dancing and convincing Kristin to ride the Ferris Wheel with us. Her only request was that we NOT rock the "bucket" we were in. Of course, we ROCKED it as hard as we could!

We had such a great time at that fair, that Chris and Kristin wanted to go with us to see Eric Church the following week at the Mid State Fair, in Paso Robles. This fair is a bit of a drive, so we all stayed overnight....in the same room! The pre-concert tailgating began in the "church" parking lot (go figure) and ended with second row seats at the concert! We all had a blast, singing, screaming, and acting like idiots. We ended the evening dancing at some really crowded bar (at the fair). Definitely good times, with great people.

When we got back to the hotel room, Chris and Billy decided it was a good idea to have a "chicken leg" duel and battled to the end..... It's truly a miracle we actually went to sleep that night, considering the boys can get a little rowdy.

Flash forward a few weeks, and we all went to the Ventura County Fair to see Martina McBride. The boys are always entertaining. Chris wanted something fried, and settled with a fried Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. He got this long roll of paper towel/toilet paper with his order. Billy decided that Chris should put it on his boot and walk around the fair, cocky and cowboy like. OH MY GOSH, I can't remember laughing that hard, ever! The looks people were giving him were so funny!!

Child-like antics, good music, fair food, and the company of great people is the recipe to feeling young again. We look forward to the next concert in November with our sidekicks! We'll be in the pit for another Eric Church concert. Lord help those surrounding us....

Day Trippers....Lincoln, Nebraska

While we were in Nebraska, Billy and I took a day trip to Lincoln. On our way out of town, Billy was the ultimate tour guide, showing me all the places he went to when he grew up. I saw his schools, and the numerous fields he played at while involved in youth sports. The town is charming. Old buildings, small businesses, all lined up on the inside while corn fields dust the outskirts. I've never seen anything like it. I appreciated it's simple beauty.

As we made our way to Lincoln, we talked about everything. From my vantage point, I relived Billy's youth through his memories, his joy and his stories. For me, part of the fun is watching his excitement. He planned to show me the University, get a bite to eat, and then dance at the first place he learned to dance.

We checked out the University, driving around, trying to find something that might be open. Nothing was. Instead, he showed me the building he lived at while attending the University. We took this picture to journal our time.

I asked Billy where he wanted to eat. He used to eat at a little diner off the highway while he studied at night. He wanted to take me there. I was a bit skeptical, but decided to keep an open mind. This day trip was intended to be a trip down memory lane, so I went along for the ride.

As we passed a prison, yes, I said prison - the inmates were all outside, by the way - Billy pointed out the diner a few hundred yards up the road. I was pretty excited to actually be entering a good old fashioned diner. It didn't disappoint. The food was fabulous and cheap! But the atmosphere was something out of "Mel's Diner" and I understood why he wanted to take me here.

After dinner, we went dancing. We were so excited to get out, on our own and dance! Unfortunately, it didn't quite turn out the way we envisioned. Over the last several years, line dancers have been taking over the place. The ratio of line dancers to two-steppers was overwhelming. We did have fun for a while until you just couldn't move around the floor any longer. However, I was still with my man, enjoying the adventures of the day, and nothing could change that.

Life always seems to be an adventure with Billy. We are exploring the world around us. Creating new memories, enjoying the journey and building a life together. Life is most certainly, good!!

Nerium AD Real Results

After seeing what Nerium AD has done for my skin, I have made the decision to start my own business with it. The reason I decided to do it was because this goes hand in hand with what I do for a living. Helping people lose weight, means that I get to help them feel better about themselves. Since the skin is the biggest organ on our body, this is one way to undo some of the damage we have done to it over time.

The first thing I noticed when I used Nerium, was that my skin was softer. Then I started noticing that it looked smoother. I really started noticing the difference when I wore make up. My skin just looked fresher, smoother and silkier. Once I compared my before and 12 day later photos, I was a complete believer!

Here are some results (note that my sister and I are both "putting it out there" - real people, not models)

As you can see, this product works really, really well. I have never seen anything like this before in my life. The key to recognizing the difference is taking the before picture. I just got off the phone with my sister. She told me that she didn't really notice a difference visually because she sees herself everyday. But when she finished the first week, she took her pictures. She was amazed at the difference in her skin after 1 week! In fact, she said had she not taken the photos, she wouldn't have noticed it right away.

I'm so impressed with the woman in the first picture. I hope that after 5 months on the product, I will have dramatic results like that! I think I'm still 20-something, and I'm hoping to look like it in 5 months!!

But the most important change I notice is that my skin looks and feels healthier. It glows, actually! The thing that irritates me though, is that men are seeing dramatic change too. Sometimes faster than women! Crazy! They lose weight faster too ladies.....oh, to be a man!

If you would like to try it for yourself and see the difference, just send me a message and I'll put you on my waiting list or mail you a sample for 5 days. If you would like to learn more, you can visit my website at www.cindyblackwell.nerium.com and check everything out.

Here's to removing the last 5 or 10 years of damage to our skin! Cheers!

Jane's Surprise

I can't even remember the last time I had an opportunity to sit down and write a blog. We have been all over the place since our trip to Wisconsin.

We decided, on the trip back from Wisconsin, as the plane touched down in LA, that we would fly back to Nebraska for Billy's Mom's birthday at the beginning of July. I couldn't believe that I was agreeing to do that, since the trip out to Wisconsin was the ultimate family adventure!

Four week later, we were heading out again, kids in tow. We were pretty excited. Knowing his Mom didn't have a clue that we were on our way to see her, made it all the more fun! Just a few day before, she and I had a conversation on the phone that had me giggling.

Jane - "As I strolled through the airport the other day, I realized how challenging it is to be in an airport. And I thought 'Billy and Cindy did this with two young kids and had a heck of a time!'"

Me - "Yes, it was a challenge, that's for sure!" (Inside I was thinking - Oh boy, my crazy ass is about to do it all over again in three days!! Hehe, she has no clue and we'll laugh about it this weekend!!)

When we arrived, the weather was unusually sweltering. It was 104 degrees with the humidity so thick, you could slice through it with a knife. Billy started his five day rant about how hot it was, as if I didn't notice the sweat trickling down my back.

We were going to surprise her the next morning over breakfast, but decided to wait for Matt, Billy's brother to arrive in a few hours and surprise her that evening. Once Matt arrived, we headed over to their house.We figured if we sent Belle to the front door, she would be thrown off, wondering why there was a little girl that looks like her granddaughter, standing at her doorstep.

As Belle positioned herself on the front porch, we all giggled silently, waiting for the Big Reveal. Belle tried ringing the doorbell, but didn't push it hard enough. We thought it was broken so we asked her to knock hard on the door. Inside, Jane was relaxing, doing a crossword puzzle, and didn't hear the knock. Billy's dad, Bill, yells down at her to answer the door. Annoyed, she gets up swearing she never heard anyone at the door, opens it, only to find Belle standing there! Belle shouts, "Surprise!" and we all come out from the side of the house.

The shock, confusion and happiness on her face, was well worth the effort! She was so surprised and delighted that we were all there, for her, and with her on her birthday. When we looked at each other after the shock kind of wore off, we started laughing about our conversation a few days earlier. This time though, the flight over was easy. No issues at all.

We had a great time fishing, playing games, relaxing, cooking, talking and generally just being together. Family time is important and we don't take it for granted. Laughter is the best medicine, and in this family, there are plenty of laughs!

I suppose this gives us confidence that we can , in fact, pull off a good surprise. You never know what we will plan for the next adventure. We might even end up on your doorstep, with all of us in tow! Muahahahaha......

Nerium AD - My Results

A client of mine called me a few weeks ago, and asked me if I have ever heard of a night cream called Nerium AD. I hadn't heard anything about it. Have any of you?

She gave me some background about the product, and some of the results people are seeing. She offered to let me try it for 5 days, and allow the product to speak for itself. I didn't think I had anything to lose. In fact, I thought it would be good to log any results I may get, so that I could blog about it.

Day 1:
I took my "before" photo.
Holy hell, does my face really look like that?
I applied the night cream to my damp face.
Okay, it smells kind of weird, and it's a bit tacky in texture, but whatever.

Day 2:
I woke up, and could see that the night cream was hard at work last night. My skin was smoother, and softer than I can remember it feeling, and the dark spot on my forehead is significantly lighter. Cool!

Day 3:
I don't notice the smell of the cream anymore. I must be getting used to it. The red spots around my nose are gone. GONE! I forgot to mention that I was applying the cream to the tops of my hands, and the dark spots and freckles are GONE. Whoa!!

Day 4:
I'm noticing the deeper lines or wrinkles, if you will, on my forehead are softening. The dark spots are definitely lightening. I'm starting to become a believer.

Day 5:
My skin feels firmer, smoother and definitely softer. I no longer need to use concealer for the dark spots, which is a complete miracle! My hands look younger. I don't want to have to depart with this product! I feel like I found the "fountain of youth in a bottle".

Day 1

I didn't really have high expectations when I agreed to try the product. In fact, I was a bit negative about trying it. Once I did, I was absolutely impressed with the results I received in such a short period of time! I began learning more about the product. Here is the "nutshell" version:

"While researching the potential uses of the Nerium oleander plant for skin cancer treatments - the plant was previously considered little more than an ornamental plant - the scientists involved at Nerium Biotech discovered the plant's extracts delivered remarkable age-defying results when applied to the skin."

Day 5

I did more research. I checked on line to see what people are saying about the product. People are praising the product, and the results they are getting from it! Surely, there had to be something wrong. Some catch. Nope. Nothing. 

So here I am, your friend, family member, acquaintance, or trainer, giving you my feedback on the product. I tried it. It worked better than any other product I have ever used. In fact, I may just have to become a Brand Partner and start a little side business. I only get behind something I truly believe in, believe it will help others, and is a quality product.

Here are some before/after photo's. I recently met the man in the photo below. His results are real.

** Update: I believe in the product so much that I have become a Brand Partner! If you would like more information please log on to www.cindyblackwell.nerium.com or order your product. You can also read my follow up blog "Nerium AD Real Results" for more photos.

Planes, Trains and Automobiles Pt. 3

In my previous post, I left out a lot of eye rolling and fit throwing on my behalf. I had enough. I wanted to be in Wisconsin and drinking something in the realm of an adult beverage. I couldn't be bothered with this traveling stuff. We had four hours of sleep, standing in lines that didn't move, for hours, and we were stuck in Denver for an eternity. Okay, maybe it wasn't an eternity, but it sure felt like it with the two little ones running amok in the airport. I was tired, cranky and needed a nap.

Luckily, the airline was nice enough to give us a food voucher (I'm betting my eye rolling helped us not only score the food voucher, but also the hotel room because prior to that, we were going to have to get a rental car in Chicago and drive to Wisconsin over night). We loaded up on milk, juice and salads at McDonald's to hold us over for the rest of the night. We found a nice corner at the gate, and had a fabulous carpet picnic, while we waited two and a half more hours for our flight to Chicago.

Billy kept reminding me we weren't working, and that I needed to lighten up because I wasn't being much fun. I'm sure he felt like he wasn't working at all, but I was still on the "mom clock", so I didn't feel like I was in vacation mode just yet. I decided that I needed to lighten up and create a better experience for everyone. After all, we were on an adventure, right?! Yeah, right....chasing after a very active one year old and trying in vein to entertain a very inquisitive, active and curious six year old, in a very boring airport, was not my idea of an adventure.

We finally boarded the flight and Pumpkie fell asleep, which she did throughout the trip every time we flew. Thank you sweet baby Jesus! After landing in Chicago, we boarded the shuttle bus to the hotel. That's when I started to get grumpy again. We were down to two diapers and I had to get through an entire night and day with a baby on two diapers. Our luggage was in Minneapolis and we were in Chicago. No tooth brushes, tooth paste, hair brushes for the next morning, clothes to change into, nothing. I sat across from Billy and just stared at him.

Billy: "What's wrong?"
Cindy: "We have nothing to brush our teeth with. Belle looks rough and I need to brush her hair in the morning. And you left your glasses on the dresser at home."

The look of sheer panic spread across his face when he realized he was wearing the only pair of contacts we had on us! We wear dailies, the kind you throw away after using them for one day. Now he was feeling my pain, and suddenly, I was feeling a whole lot better! Finally, the magnitude of everything hit him.

We decided to look for contact lens solution once we reached the hotel, along with diapers, toothbrushes, toothpaste and deodorant.

We checked into the hotel and headed over to the gift shop. They sold "changing kits" rather than a package of diapers. A changing kit consists of one diaper and six wipes for $3.99. In our desperation, we grabbed four ($16 for four diapers is a complete rip off by the way. You can get about one hundred diapers for that price in a store.) along with the other items and went up to our room.

As Billy and I settled in for the night, he pulled me close, exhaled and said, "Well, we made it through the day." I closed my eyes and thought, "After all this crap today, there is absolutely nobody else in the world I could have gone through this with. He made it better for me. I almost lost my mind a few times and he held it together. He held us all together today. Whether he knows it or not, he was the rock."

We got to Minneapolis a day later than expected. As we pulled up to the house, we were greeted by Billy's parents, cousin, aunt and uncle. They were all wonderful. Billy's dad gave me a hug and handed me a glass of wine. God, I love that man! Without words, he knew exactly what I needed.

The rest of the trip was amazing, by the way. We enjoyed driving through the country and seeing how beautiful Wisconsin is. We laughed, we sang, we ate, we visited family, we went to his cousin's wedding, we danced and through it all, we were together. All four of us. Enjoying each other, creating a memorable vacation for the kids, for each other and for our family members.

This time around, there was no regret. No sitting in a bathroom with candles and an enema. No sitting in awkward silence on a long drive home. No looking for the nearest exit sign. This time, I was in the trenches with a solid partner. I never once wanted to leave him at the airport, or ditch him at the hotel. It might have crossed my mind to ditch the kids.... kidding, only kidding. Seriously though, this time around, I got it right. I'm with the right person, the right travel partner. My best friend....

Planes, Trains and Automobiles Pt. 2

It started the night before our trip. I was talking to Billy's mom on the phone. She was offering moral support, knowing the woman gets stuck doing most of the preparation for a family trip across the States. I, of course, was pulling my hair out. I decided to jump in the shower and scratch an item off the list. I took Pumpkie with me and placed her in the baby bath tub inside the shower.

Within two minutes, she started grunting. No, no, no, no.....I tried stopping it. I tried making her laugh and distracting her. Nope! It happened. She pooped in the bath tub, for the very first time. And she chose the worst possible time to do it, too. On top of everything else, I now had a mess to clean up. Aye, aye, aye....

We finished packing about 11pm. We finally feel asleep by 11:30pm and the alarm went off at 4:00am. We were out the door by 5:30am. One car seat, 3 bags to check in, 3 carry ons, and two children. It wasn't easy to get around quickly, but we managed pretty well. We get on the bus, played games with the kids, and relaxed for the first time in 48 hours. Ahhhh......wait. Why are we not moving? Traffic? Are you kidding me? Oh no, it's a holiday weekend.....big sigh!

We finally make it to the airport by 8:00am. Our flight departs at 9:08am and we have a lay over in Denver. Our flight leaves from Denver at 1:15pm and is supposed to arrive in Minneapolis at 4:07pm.

We check in and dump half of our luggage, lightening our load. We breeze through security and head over to our gate. Everything appears to be normal and on time. We find a seat and let the kids play until we are ready to board. At 9:00am, I see everyone starting to congregate near the departing gate, so we move over. The lady behind the desk says something over the loud speaker, but she is drowned out by another lady over another loud-er speaker, and I can't hear a fling flangin' thing. I move toward the desk to find out what the overshadowed lady was saying. There are 2 people in front of me.

As I'm standing there she rattles off her "bad" news. Our flight is being delayed an hour because they have to change a tire. Now I know why there is a line forming behind me.....

After 15 minutes standing in line, and it didn't move, they announce that they are moving over to the next gate. Everyone behind me, runs over to the other gate. Now, I'm stuck in the back of the line versus being in the front of the line. Son of a biscuit maker!!! I was ready to lose my mind.

After an hour of standing in line and not moving even an inch, they start boarding us onto the "tire" plane. We are told they would be handling our connecting flight over in Denver. So on we went. Belle played tic tac toe with Billy and Pumpkie napped. It was smooth. We landed in Denver two and a half hours after our connecting flight left.....with our luggage, which landed in Minneapolis, without us. Just fabulous!

We were waiting in another long ass line, until the kids started acting up. It was then, that I realized that all airports should have a kids area. Kids can play, exerting energy, out of the way of other passengers who are trying to get from point A to point B without tripping over our children. But since they didn't have that option available to us, we used the only thing we knew would entertain the kids for at least an hour....the walkway!

We finally got through the ridiculously long line and found a flight, on another airline, to Chicago. They connected us to Minneapolis the next day, but we would have to stay overnight in Chicago. I looked in the diaper bag....we had 3 diapers left. I panicked!! I went on a diaper search. Do you know that there is not one diaper to be bought in the entire Denver airport?

 Oh well, on to the walkway. I will allow my children to walk/glide across that thing until we leave. Why? Because it is that, or allow them to scream there hearts out on the entire flight over to Chicago, or allow them to get in your way while you try and shave a few seconds off your walk across the airport. Hmmmm, decisions, decisions??

From the land of Peyton Manning, to the land of Jay Cutler, we go....

Planes, Trains and Automobiles Pt. 1

Last week, I was thinking about my past and all the people I've traveled with. I should tell you that I don't travel well with others. Similar to playing well with others, except you can't go home when you've finished playing.

When I was dating, I had a really hard time finding someone I wanted to travel with. If some of you have been reading my blog, you'll remember my trusted "list". On that list, was someone who I could travel with, and not want to kick out of the car after 30 minutes. It can become a nightmare. You like one genre of music, they like another. You run out of things to talk about, followed by awkward silence for extended periods of time. Unexpected bathroom breaks, bodily function mishaps, growling stomachs, and all the things that can happen to throw your trip off, including getting lost. With the wrong person, this can be extremely stressful. With the right person, it's just another adventure.

I was recalling a time when I dated this one guy and we decided to take a trip to San Diego for a weekend get away. We decided to take my car and off we went. Immediately, he took control of the radio. That was mistake #1. Never take control of someones remote control or TV if you aren't in a committed relationship with the person. He then found a station he liked. Alternative music. Can't stand it. It was excruciating to listen to for three hours. Mistake #2. Always ask a woman what she would like to listen to.

When we got there, I was highly irritated and wasn't much fun. I'll admit, I was still pissed that he took control of the radio without asking, and tortured me for three hours with the noise he called music. I got over it and moved forward with the weekend.

Later that night, I was in pain. I knew I had a bladder infection, but kept on going. By the morning, I was doubled over in pain and constipated. Not just a little constipated.....but walking-the-isles-of-the-store-looking-for-an-enema, constipated!! I need to explain to you all that I have a huge issue going to the bathroom in public, or when other people are present. It just won't happen if other people are around. I am too uncomfortable to allow myself to relax enough to let loose. This was turning out to be a huge nightmare for me!

So here I am, in San Diego, 4 hours from home, stuck in a bathroom with a candle and an enema! I was wishing the man on the other side of the door would fall off the face of the earth, so I could just take a dump! It was embarrassing and frustrating. Nothing happened and we left shortly after that. Needless to say, that was a very quiet and long drive back home.

Back to my list....meeting someone I could travel with, was pretty high on the list. As I looked forward to the weekend trip I was about to take with Billy, Belle and Pumpkie, I was pretty impressed that I found the perfect travel partner! We've taken small trips over the last few years and I have to admit, Billy is a fabulous travel partner. I was completely confident when we left the house for our flight to Wisconsin over the weekend, that we would have a great time! As a matter of fact, I even mentioned it to his Mom the day before the trip. She laughed.

We wouldn't be laughing a few hours hours later.

To be continued.......

Christina Aguilera, the hypocrite.....

So, Christina Aguilera has a problem with Tony Lucca on The Voice. Why? What did he do to deserve all the cheap shots thrown his way throughout the entire season?

Last night's finale proved that she is not only petty, immature, unprofessional and bitchy, but she's also being hypocritical. She said that Tony's performance of Jay-Z's "99 Problems" was good, but then added, unnecessarily, "the lyrical connotation was a little derogatory towards women, but all in all I thought it was fun." Wait! What? When did being derogatory to women become fun?

She said that, coming off of a duet she performed with her contestant, exposing her "spraytanorexic" breasts, barely covering her nipples, all while her son looked on back stage? Let me get this straight......is she now an advocate for the proper treatment of women? Is she setting the right example for her young son, by exposing herself that way, and starting a fight on national television, with not only a contestant, but a fellow judge? Way to go Xtina! If you want your son and other impressionable kids around the world to exemplify your behavior, continue to wear the cleavage exposing get-ups, pick fights with other people, and disrespect them further by tweeting the entire time you're on TV!

The problem I have with her behavior, is the message she's sending with the forum she has. I also have a HUGE problem with her starting the issue. She could have risen above any rehearsal drama, and gave Tony props for his performance and then left it at that. Instead, she lacked self control, and took a cheap shot, unnecessarily. It was ridiculous!

The biggest problem that will come from her behavior, is the position she put Chris Mann in. Her lack of professionalism put him in a position to lose, and that bothers me. Her personal vendetta seemed to be more important than protecting the position Chris was in. It was a selfish move on her part and I feel she owes him a HUGE public apology, if he does lose tonight.

Hey Xtina, you should take inventory before you put yourself out there like that. Grow up, be professional, and maintain a cool head, because you are making yourself out to be the biggest bitch on prime time TV!!

Who said 40 was the new 30?

Apparently, turning 40 means you are no longer allowed to leave the bathroom without make-up on, or looking put together. Did anyone else get the memo? That memo must have fallen under my desk, because I didn't get it.

Okay, I'm getting older, but must it be pointed out routinely by those who care about me?

Billy: "What's the brown spot under your eye?"
Me: "What??" Run to the mirror.... "Oh, THAT (disgusted) is an age spot."
Billy: "You should wear make-up because you're 40 now." (He's so helpful!)
Me: "What does that mean?"
Billy: "Well....."
Me: "Christ, spit it out already!"

My client at 6am has Asperger's  Syndrome and isn't shy about his true feelings.

Client: "I hate you!"
Me: "You don't hate me, you hate that I represent the exercise."
Client: "True. But I still hate you. "
Me: Sigh
Client: "You look old today. I never noticed all of your wrinkles."
Me: "Alright, let's speed that treadmill up a lot more....."

Belle likes to get a little close sometimes.

Belle: "Cindy, will you help me brush my teeth?"
Me: "Of course I will. You get started and I'll be right there."
Belle: "What's that red thing on your face?"
Me: "That's a pimple honey. Believe me, you'll get plenty of those in a few years."
Belle: After thinking for a few seconds, and through gritted teeth, "Well, I would just put some make-up on it."
Me: "Okay, bed time!"

I.Give.Up! I. Surrender! Fine, I can take a direct hit. They certainly weren't sparing my feelings, so it must be something I really should do.

I ran that by one of my friends, and she told me that when she turned 40, she had to start wearing light make-up, daily. I guess we get to a certain age and we have to at least make that small adjustment to our morning routine. I just think it's kind of pointless when I'm sweating half the day. But hey, apparently, they've been hinting and I haven't been picking up what they've been putting down.

So my people....I hear you loud and clear. Momma's got a whole new mindset. Make-up, presentation, hotness! Gotcha....who said that 40 was the new 30?? Lies, my friends, lies!

Am I alone here? Are any other people going through the let's-point-out-all-the-flaws stage?

Judgy McJudgerson!

Is it just me, or does it seem like everyone is getting married, having a baby or both?

It seems, whenever I log into my facebook account, there is a new announcement waiting for me to view.

"Save the date!"
"We're getting hitched!"
"Look at our little nugget" (peanut, or whatever cute little nickname, one calls their 12 week old fetus)!
Pictures of the round, bulging belly with the finger heart over the belly button. Cute!

I was not immune to those updates this past year. I'll admit, there was nothing more important than showing off my growing belly, the birth of my third daughter, or all of her milestones since her birth.
I wanted to share my happiness with the world, including all the moments I am proud of.

Then, reality sets in, and we stop posting those "lovey dovey" updates, and start posting random crap that nobody really cares about. Why is that, you ask? Because we don't want to post what really happens in our homes! That would not be fair to our spouse, children or friends. If we did, here is an example of what those posts would look like:

"Damn it! Someone, I won't mention names, drank the last bit of milk, and now I must eat the fling flangin' cereal, dry, this morning! For the love of Pete, ask what the plan is before eating or drinking the last bit of something, you, who shall remain nameless!"

"Why does she always have a headache when I want to have sex? What is that all about, anyway?"

"I'm just sitting here, watching the baby empty the shoes out of the basket and eat the dirt clods because he isn't screaming like a banshee!"

"What in God's name did this kid eat? She has shit 5 times in the last 30 minutes and I'm on my last diaper!"

"Headache again, huh? Fine. Go to bed. When you hear the desk chair rockin', don't come knockin'!"

"Seriously, does he know that there is a handle on the toilet? Would it kill him to wait to make sure all of his business has flushed before leaving the bathroom? I do not want to see little nuggets floating in the bowl when I go in to use it. I guess it's going to be a headache kind of night, again!"

Those, my friends, are the tidbits they don't tell you about. There are more, too. The things we think but don't actually say, such as:

"Are you f&$@ing kidding me? Just eat your cereal and stop complaining about it!"

"Where is that f*&@ing off button? Surely, this kid came with one? Serenity now!!"

"I just want to watch my tv show in peace and quiet. Is that to much to ask, or do you need to shit all over this moment too?"

The truth, that all of us who have "been there, done that" know, is that eventually, the fairy tale ends and real life begins. Real life isn't about picture perfect. It's about finding your balance in the trenches of life, love, relationships and family.

Go ahead and update your status with whatever you'd like. I'll pretend that life is grand and everything is great, if you are. I won't even bother to comment on how great it is that you are unbelievably happy. I'll just hit the "like" button, and you'll know that I am acknowledging your real pain. Because at the end of the day, you and I are in the trenches and we both know it!!

Wouldn't it be great if we could say all the things we really wanted to say without judgement? That "J" word keeps us in line. It prevents us from really saying what we feel. That's the cyber tragedy of it all. If we could say all the things we wanted to say, maybe it would look something like this:

"Hey everyone! We're getting married because he knocked me up and I am not going to be an unwed mother. So will you come and support us during this difficult time? I'm trying hard to adjust to all the change going on in my life, and I really need your help!"

"Hey y'all! We're getting married! Yahoo! Finally this f$%@er has figured it out and proposed to me. It only took him 8 years to do it, but really, who's counting? Come celebrate with us!"

"Yay, we're adding another member to our family! We're pretty excited about it. Well, actually he's excited about it because he honesty has no idea what is involved in making, and raising another human being. The first time around, he was pretty tuned out, so it all fell on my shoulders. I'm guessing this time it won't be that different, except I'll have another person screaming at me."

But Judgy McJudgerson would NOT find this refreshing. In fact, she might call CPS. So we stay silent, and talk about bagels or something like that.

Ahhhh, I long for the day, when I log into Facebook and see something so honest and real. I will even let you know how much I appreciate you taking the time to tell us how it really is, by leaving a lovely comment. Until then, I will join you in my silence and bagel talking, because I wouldn't want Judgy McJudgerson coming after me!

P.S. I'm at Barnes and Noble hiding from my family. They really should serve wine or something. Sheesh!