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Thursday, October 25, 2012

An open letter to Dottie Sandusky and women like her...

I just read an article about Jerry Sandusky's wife, Dottie, writing a defiant letter to the judge before the Sandusky sentencing, attacking the victims motives, expressing her loss of faith in the judicial system and insisting he isn't a child molester.

"Dottie Sandusky wrote July 9 that she never saw her husband do anything inappropriate to any child, a statement that echoed her trial testimony. She was deeply critical of her son Matt Sandusky, who had been expected to be a defense witness until the trial, when he claimed to investigators he also had been abused by Jerry Sandusky."

Matt Sandusky has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, "but he refuses to take his medication," she wrote. "He has had many run-ins with the law and stolen money and items from our family."

Do all women whose husbands have been convicted of child molestation, jump to this defense? Is there a manual somewhere that has this strategy written down, verbatim? It's becoming the classic defense for these women. They are blaming the victims of conspiracy. The judicial system of failing to work. And claiming that their husband's are not child molesters. Ladies, you need to get in touch with reality!

Child sexual abuse is nothing new. In fact, it's been going on for decades. One of the reasons we are hearing so much about it over the last several years is because there are so many brave men and women, boys and girls, coming forward. When they come forward, it takes a level of courage and strength to confront their abuser. Since they have continued to come forward, we have learned more about this very sick secret, haunting so many people all over the world. We have, as a society, convicted more and more people of child sexual abuse.

In doing research over the last several years, I have learned a lot. I am no psychologist, but the facts are out there for us to learn. The most astounding fact that I learned is this:

If a person is accused of child sexual abuse, has more than one victim and a history of accusations, they are 100% guilty of the crime. There are no other exceptions, excuses, or reasons. They are guilty. Period.

I think we as a society, clearly understand that. But for the women that love and are married to the  offender, it becomes a very blurred line. I believe they have a hard time wrapping their mind around the man that they know and love, and the monster he's accused, and often times, convicted, of being. It must be difficult for women like Dottie Sandusky to separate the man she knows, loves and spent her life with, and come to terms with the fact that he was all those things AND that he is a child molester.

A person can be many things, including putting on one hat to fill a role, and putting on another hat to fill another. Each one of us do it every day. We go to work as one person, and come home to become our natural selves. It's not that far fetched to believe that he did just that.

She says she "never saw him do anything inappropriate to children". Of course she never saw him doing anything inappropriate with children, because he would never allow her to see anything. That's what child molesters do. They keep it very hidden from anyone, except the victim. The victim knows exactly what the child molester is capable of doing. For Dottie or any other woman who supports the child molester, to suggest that the victim is lying, is ridiculous. The only person lying in the scenario, is in fact, the child molester. They've been doing it successfully for years. Plus, they don't see themselves as monsters. They think they are loving the child. It's sick and twisted, but true.

Sadly, my mother is one of these women. Conspiracy theories, victims motives, loss of faith in the judicial system, victims lying, and the whole "my husband is innocent" thing, is the script that she followed. I believe that these offenders, often times, manipulate their wives into thinking these things, because it is the only defense they have. Rather than taking responsibility for their actions and really getting the help that they need, they rip families apart and make their wives look like idiots.

In the end, the wife will be the only connection to the outside world that they have, when the rest of the world sees the child molester for exactly what he is.....a monster! I suppose that's motive enough to keep her in the world of denial, conspiracy theories, purple dinosaurs and make believe. And while these women trot off to their weekly visit at the state penitentiary, the rest of us are doing damage control, picking up the pieces of the lives that have been broken.

I hope women in the future will listen to the children (even adults who now have the courage to come forward) and understand that these men are not innocent. They are working you harder than a Presidential Candidate. They want your vote, your support, when everyone else will turn their back. Don't be that person who turns their back on the victim. No matter how betrayed you feel, never turn your back on the victim.

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