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Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Finding my people....

Every Thursday and Saturday night, I'd go dance. My children were old enough to care for themselves with the help of a college student roommate I had. I simply could not let one or both of those days go by without getting on the dance floor.

I was also learning a little bit about my inner goddess. I never really tapped into that side of myself before. I seemed to always be in a relationship, without really dating or having an identity of my own. I was in 3 long term relationships before the last one nearly sent me over the edge. I decided that it was a good idea to find myself since the break up crushed me. I didn't like the feeling of being so helplessly in love with someone, that I couldn't really function as a person after the break up. To make matters far worse, he was someone I worked with. Another reason I decided to let the job go and start my own business.

When I found dancing, it brought so much joy to my life. I really felt as though I had something that was mine. In my life, my immediate inner circle were always work people. I made a lot of friends and I would stay within that group. When I left, I didn't have my people. I didn't realize it until the other day thinking back on the memories, but I didn't really have a social group of people outside of work, ever!

Rob and I would go out dancing. During the course of the night, we would want to check out the action in the bar. We would individually take laps around so people would not think we were together as a couple. After a while, that didn't seem to work because they still thought we were together as a couple. We showed up religiously together, so I can see how the mistake could be made. We started introducing each other as brother or sister to eliminate the threat of the word "friend" (which I would later learn that more than a few people, would coin the term loosely, as someone who they sometimes slept with!).

Rob became my brother and I, his sister and our dating life opened up. Well, his more than mine. I was into the dancing too much. I made some friends. Lot's of friends actually. Soon, I was a regular. I was dancing regularly with Jeff, Kevin (no hat), Kevin (black hat) and Steve. I made girlfriends in Nell, Sam, Toni, Karen, Judy and Francie. I now had some people! And then I saw him. The guy who tossed me aside because the song was too fast for my novice legs. Shawn, he was back from a small hiatus and I was ready for that son-of-a-bitch! I truly had no idea what I was in for, but I was drawn to him and his style of dance, and I was ready for some fun, finally in my life. Oh man, did he deliver!

Keep in mind that I was still aggressive. I was still learning about that control thing. I marched right up to him and asked where he has been. It's in my nature to take the bull by the horns and if I want something, take it. This whole be coy, shy and evasive thing girls do, was not my style. I had no experience when it came to being a true lady. I was large and in charge.

I'm laughing thinking back on the memory. Poor Shawn, he never saw it coming. He was trying to be cool, maybe pick up a chick or two, and here comes Berta the Bull, mowing him down to get her dances with him. I suppose with any other guy, that might have been quite the turn off, but Shawn is actually patient and he humored me for a while. Then he realized that I could match his style of dance and I picked it rather fast. The more we danced the better we got as partners. And I'll tell you what, we had a ton of fun in the process. We started picking up more days to dance. Pretty soon Friday night was in there and sometimes a Tues night, too. People were starting to take notice and providing the ego with a whole bunch of compliments. I think that fueled the fire and my next decision......we would enter a dance competition!

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