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Sunday, February 19, 2012

Who's in control now?

For the next several months I became addicted to the dancing. I did everything I could to learn more. I even found courage where others faltered.

I had been a manager for years and years. I didn't know how to not be in control. I made all the decision in business and my own personal life, since I was on my own, raising two girls. To submit myself on the dance floor was my biggest challenge.

I was so fresh and new. Eager to dance all that I could while I was there. I would introduce myself to several of the bar room dancers/regulars and ask them to help guide me and teach me, all they knew. If a two-step started I would go racing to grab one of the better dancers as fast as I could. I'm sure the women who would dance with them, would see me coming and not be too happy with losing a dance or two. I've been in that position several times, later on down the road.

After I'd finish a song or two with my male partners, I'd ask for some feedback. They were all too quick with their responses. "You need to let me lead. Just get better at following what I want you to do. Don't try and assume what my next move will be." The whole time I was thinking they were kind of crazy. I felt like they yanked me into place, so how in the world could I be trying to lead them?

I thought it might be time to spread my wings a little bit. I saw this funny looking guy with long, Einstein looking hair, out on the dance floor one particular night. I thought he had style and was smooth out there. So I marched right over and introduced myself. I told him I was still new to dancing and wanted to learn more. I asked if he would be willing to dance with me and teach me a little bit. I'm sure it had to have been very flattering to have a woman come up and ask you to teach her to dance.

He took me out for a "test drive" on the floor. After the first song, he drops me off on the side and says "I think this one's a bit fast for you" and walked off to grab a more experienced partner. I cannot even tell you what lit up inside of me at that moment. I think that was all I needed to hear to motivate me to push harder. I didn't see that guy for a month, but during that month I worked harder and harder than I ever have.

All the while, I was distracted from what was really going on. I was slowly learning to lean on another person and relinquishing my control issues. I became much better at following and allowing my lead to take full control of the driver's seat. I also realized during that time that I was learning a valuable lesson in my personal life. If I wanted to really succeed in a loving relationship, I needed to learn to lean on and trust my partner. I'm not sure I was ever really good at that part, nor was I comfortable. I am still uneasy with it. But I have learned that it's a primitive thing for men to want to lead their partner.

I have been the woman that has worn the pants in the family and that worked in those relationships, which eventually didn't really work out at all. I learned that I could be a strong business person, but I had to loosen up in my private life. I am now in a relationship that is working because I have learned to share in my decisions, my joys and my sorrows. I have learned to ask for help when I need it. I have learned to give and receive, which is not always easy for me. But I have learned from dancing. I think Country had it right, life is a dance.......

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