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Thursday, February 23, 2012

Why buy the cow, when she's giving the milk away for free?

Sex. It can consume you. It can trick you into thinking you have feelings about someone that you really don't. You can have incredibly strong feelings for someone and then the moment you have sex, you start back pedaling, wondering what you've gotten yourself into. You can have 3 minute sex, 3 hour sex (thanks to that little blue pill) and sex 3 times a day. You can love someone so completely and you have sex and the birds are singing, there's a break in the clouds and a bright light beams down on you, enveloping you in it's warmth! There are so many variations, but one thing will always remain the same. If you give it away too easily, you're a whore. If you charge for this delightful service, you're a whore.

It's not that you are truly a whore. But I've "interviewed" enough men to understand this to mean that they want to "hunt for their food" (in caveman speak). They want to work for it. I've always heard the term "Why buy the cow, when she's giving the milk away for free?" and never knew what the hell that meant? I realize it wasn't literally giving away a cow for free, but I never understood it. I mean, really, do we charge for the cow? If we do, we're a whore. If we charge for the milk, we're still a whore. All I heard was whore, whore, whore!! I started wondering if there was a discount cow, or a layaway cow. And suddenly, I was so darn confused about the milk and the cow!

But I get it now. There are "good" girls and there are "bad" girls and then there's a category of girls that no one really talks about. We'll label them the "high libido" girls. Because they aren't "bad" girls per say, but they have a need and desire that does not match an average woman's libido, let alone and average man's libido. Typically they are "good" girls, but the kitty leads the path to most decision making. And this can be very, very "bad"! Bad Kitty!!

Here's what I learned during my "interviews":

Men will take it when they can get it - duh! But they go C-R-A-Z-Y, when they are interested in a girl, who keeps the cookies in the jar! I observed this first hand on many occasions. I'd see the girl who gave it away, either because she was truly interested in the guy or because kitty got in the way, always fall to the girl who made the guy work for it (ie. games, games, games). I'm not saying that playing games for the sake of playing games, is the right thing to do, because I would never agree to that. But I am saying if you create a little mystery around you (don't put everything out there all at once - let it unfold over time so he's learning something new about you over said time) and you leave him wanting more, then that is absolutely the thing that drives him C-R-A-Z-Y!!

Men like to chase. It's in their blood. It can be a great deal of fun!! Gosh, even if you're in a relationship now, you can create a little chase to strike his interest again. Get the old juices flowing. Wait! By old, I simply mean, "same"or "familiar", not old, old. OK, moving on...

Men don't want to be used. And they say they don't like games. But a little game can be a good thing if played without using the guy or stringing him along for your own personal gain. If you truly are interested in him, then make eye contact and see if he's interested. He'll let you know if he is. DO NOT pursue him. Let him come to you. If you start mowing him down, like I did with most of my dance partners, you'll make plenty of friends, and you may even have plenty of sex, but you won't find "that" guy you've been looking for.

You have to engage and then disengage. You can make eye contact a few times and then create an opportunity for him to approach you. After a little while, disengage from that conversation and invite him to reengage later (ie. "I enjoyed talking to you. I've got to get back to my friends for a little bit, but maybe we can dance later?). Perhaps I took it too far, but I never gave out my number at first either. On the rare occasion I met someone interesting, I would invite them back by saying "I don't give my number out to guys I just met, but I'm usually here on Thursday and Saturday nights." if they show back up, great. If not, then I didn't have some idiot walking around with my number in his phone.

Dancing taught me a great deal. I was learning how to trust others in the dance, which spilled into my personal life. I was learning to be more social outside of work. I was also finding myself along the way and discovering that I had so many things I didn't understand or know about me. One of the things I saw more clearly than ever.... I had a lot of bad sex in my lifetime and it was about time I changed that!

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