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Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Sex - before and after kids.....

Sex can be an amazing experience, with the right person. It can be a downright disappointment with the wrong person. You can have a great connection with someone, but something is off, or not right, and suddenly the scenario you had in your head, is no longer giving you the warm fuzzies. Instead, it's replaced with feelings of disappointment.

The opposite can happen. You meet someone, fall in love, and the sex is out of this world! You picture a future together, one that includes lots of great sex! You move in together with dreams of starting a family, and living the life you always dreamed of. And then you actually have kids.......

Before kids, its was just the two of you, so you could have sex whenever the mood struck, wherever you decided to have it. After kids, well, that's simply NEVER going to happen! Let's review, shall we?

Sex BEFORE kids:

You go out one evening, let's say dancing, and the flirtation is driving you both crazy. You decide to call it a night, but the two of you live in two different cities, so you decide to scope out parking lots. Adventurous, right? I'm not saying that I did that, I'm just creating a scenario....(clearing my throat). Anyway, you find the right parking lot and WHAM-O! You get it on! Both are satisfied and nobody got arrested!

Sex AFTER kids:

You stay in for the evening playing UNO for hours, getting your ass kicked by a six year old, and then you put the little darlings to bed. You find your way, quietly, to the car in the garage, pull out all of the car seats, lay down the seats, spread out a sheet and climb in. This works as a noise barrier because in your bedroom, the walls have ears! In the car, you can have loud, uninhibited sex.......until you hear a knock on the window, see two little eyes trying to see beyond the window tinting, and you are scrambling for your clothes!

Sex BEFORE kids:

You two are alone in a house, free to do "it" wherever you choose. You can do it on the floor, the kitchen counter, the table, the sofa, or the bedroom. You can also hang from the ceiling fan for all that matters, because no one can see you or hear you. You are loud, proud and screaming "Yes, Yes....Oh God, Yes!!".

Sex AFTER kids:

You are now confined to two places, well, three actually. The bathroom, because there's a lock. But that's not realistic most of the time, especially if you have only one bathroom, like me. The car, in the example above. Mostly though, its the bedroom, because it has a lock and you can dive for cover, in the event a little one tries to pry open the door. You can now forget making any noise at ALL while having sex, because they'll hear you, and ask a thousand questions about why you were screaming at God. This leaves you to act out the "silent movie" version of your sex life. You make all sorts of faces, but nothing ever comes out of your mouth....not even a whisper....leaving you to both laughing out loud!

Sex BEFORE kids:

Let's say, you only have time for a problem! When it's just the two of you, wham, bam, thank you ma'am! You both love the connection, the can't-keep-your-hands-off-each-other phase, and you look forward to the next time you have sex, probably in the next 24 hours!

Sex AFTER kids:

The baby is taking a nap, the other kids are off playing and you look at each other, knowing you have a small window of opportunity to jump on each other. You lock the front door and get naked! You are in the moment of passion, when the doorbell rings, followed by pounding on the door! Are you freakin' kidding me?? Why, oh why, do these kids want to kill my sex life???

These are the vastly different lives you lead, once you decide to have kids. Is it worth it? You betcha! Like anyone living with another person, you can get frustrated, irritated and angry. But mostly, you love them, have fun and enjoy every moment. The kids aren't around forever and you can resume a kid-less sex life....unless they never move out. Sex isn't THE most important thing. But it is important.

Billy got us concert tickets yesterday to see Eric Church in July. I think I'll do us both a favor, find a sitter for the night, book a hotel room and hang the "Do not disturb" sign outside the door. Maybe, just maybe, nobody will come-a-knockin'!


  1. This is a very beautiful and interesting article
    The most glamorous one i have read today!

    GED Online

    1. Thank you, I think???? Is that sarcasm I detect?