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Thursday, February 23, 2012

Creating the List

I was frustrated. I knew, if I had any hope at all with sharing my remote control with someone, someday, I had to figure out exactly what I wanted, needed and hoped for in a partner. I wondered why it was so hard to find a nice guy, that could treat me well and be all that I needed him to be to accommodate my life? Don't we all think that way at some point?

I created The List. On my list were things that I absolutely needed in a partner. His core values per say. I think there were 15 items on that part of the list. Then I broke it down further and added what I wanted in a partner. All the things that I really wanted from someone, so I didn't have to compromise all that much. I mean, hey, chemistry can only get you so far, right? There were more items during that portion of my list because I wanted to put it out there in the universe that I wanted certain things from a partner and I wasn't going to settle for anything less than those things. And pulling in the rear, I had all the little things that would be great for my partner to have.

I'm cracking myself up thinking about how I utilized that list! It was kind of crazy. I would keep it in my purse and when I was out on a date I would slip away into the bathroom and review the list. That way, I could interview the guy better if I reminded myself to stick to the list. There was no way I was going to veer too far to the left. This list would keep me in line even if I thought about stepping out of the box. You betcha!! I had my L-I-S-T!! Bring IT!!!

I had rules about the list. If the guy didn't meet my height requirement, he was out. If he didn't like sports, particularly football, he was out. If he was a Giants, Eagles or Redskin fan....OUT, OUT, OUT!! Oh, you don't have chest hair? OUT! Coors Light isn't your thing? OUT!!! I was a crazy person, wielding my list above my head.

My list brought me clarity and hope. I clung to it like a bible. Utilized it like a checklist. I finally came to my senses and realized that no guy could ever meet all the items on my list. That person doesn't exist. I realized in time that the person I was really working on was me. By clinging to my list, I identified something in me that needed some work. I was raising a standard for myself and opening up to things about myself that I wanted to reevaluate. In doing so, I was able to learn more about me and what I liked. I learned more about what I valued. I grounded and centered myself.

I learned that I am not always the easiest person to understand. That sometimes I need a timeout. I also figured out that although I was playing the victim by thinking that all men leave me, I was actually doing the pushing away. If it got too hard, I didn't work at it. I gave up. If I had to compromise too much, I lost interest. I know myself better now. Even though The List was created to find something that wasn't there, I think by healing and finding myself, I got pretty darn close to an 85% match this time around. So make your list. Find yourself. It's definitely worth the effort!


  1. It’s funny, how a list can provide a detail analysis on our own behaviors and patterns. I remember doing the same thing! Same type of list as yours and finding out that the man on my list didn’t exisit! I was competely devistated and horrified that I needed to compromise. Once I excepted that….it was years of denial…..I figured out that the perfect man is in the “eyes of the beholder”. After accepting that perfection is what we believe it to be, I was able to let down my guard and go figure….the “pefect” man walked into my life. I found a perfect man for ME! He and I are perfect together. And now, I truly believe that it’s the chemistry that makes up the perfect ingredient for a succesfful match. Not only was I able to relate to you, but I laughed out loud and was able to reminisce on my own experiences. Thanks!

  2. Thank you for sharing your list story with me! I knew I wasn't alone in this world. But I didn't have a clue about how much that list kept me in check with myself. I also had no idea it would show me more of myself. I thought that was the coolest thing it provided me. Anyhow, I'm glad you enjoyed my little story!

  3. Oh the height we go again! LOL.

    1. Haha, I will never ever forget that email, or the brother I adopted because of it! Thank you for being my rock through some of the most difficult times. Love you bro!!