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Tuesday, March 13, 2012

The Battle of the Bedroom

There's a battle going on in our bedrooms across the world. Sometimes, I have no idea how it even starts or happens, but it's there. Looming, waiting for the moment of attack...

It comes in the form of clothing thrown all over the place. Damp towels that are left on our side of the bed for us to discover when we get into bed. You do laundry only to find that somehow, the pair of socks that you had on at some point (because they are in the dirty hamper) has lost it's "pair" status and is now a "single" item. Where did that sock go? Did the troll living in the dryer eat it? Or is it somewhere lurking in our bedroom waiting for us to find it months later? Well, folks, if you live in my house, I have gotten smarter than that sock! I have learned that sock likes to hide from me. Under my bed, between the sheets, at the foot of the bed between the sheets, under the hamper (WTH? How did it end up there?) or behind my dresser!

You ask "How does a sock end up behind a dresser? I hear you! I shall answer that, because I have figured it out. Yep! Men like to throw stuff. They like wadding up paper and throwing it into the wastebasket. They also like throwing their dirty clothes across the room into the hamper (even if the lid is closed - forcing US to pick up the dirty stuff). And sometimes the sock makes it's way behind the dresser or under a hamper. If you're real lucky, like me, then you can come home to find this waiting for you......
What is that, you ask? Well, I came home from working one day to find this fine piece of underwear hanging from the wall decoration one day! Now, I've seen everything my friends, but this one took me back a step or two, trying to figure out how in the world that happened? Notice the hamper below it and the dresser next to the hamper. I'm a lucky girl and I know it!!

The other thing that can happen is that you try and fall asleep, but the other person who occupies your bed, has a different sleeping habit than you. It can sometimes feel like you are at a Theme Park on a ride. There's so much tossing and turning going on that you might just go flying out of bed if they hit that one spot to catapult you across the room. Sound familiar?

There's the snorer, the sleepwalker, the sleep talker and the all too familiar cover stealer. I live with a sleep talker, cover stealing, theme park riding guy! It's a wonder I get any sleep at all. The cover stealing is classic. It starts with the tossing and turning. I've lived through the 94' Northridge Earthquake, so I sometimes have flashbacks and am jolted awake most nights when the tossing gets bad. Once I calm my inner child down, I finally get back to then be jolted awake again by the talking, which can turn into shouting! Holy Lord, where did I put that sock? I must find that sock so I can stuff it in his mouth to get some freakin' sleep!

Then the the covers slowly start making their way away from my side of the bed and make a nice wrap on his side of the bed. Ever been next to a cover stealer? They can wrap themselves up like a burrito while you are freezing your buns off, waking you once again....for the love of God LET ME GET SOME SLEEP!! Then you pull, yank and finally release some blankets to be greeted with "What are you doing?" from your spouse. "What am I doing? I'm trying to sleep here buddy! Gimme some blankets!"

I have friends that always ask me how the baby is sleeping.

"Oh, she's sleeping just fine! In fact, she's the only one sleeping through the night!"

However, the battle of the sheets was taken to a whole new level today. As I pulled the damp towel off my side of the bed (Certainly, I can't be alone here people - please tell me there are more of you out there!!) and started making the bed, I remembered the time when I lived alone and would peacefully sleep, get up and and pull over the blankets that were barely messed up. Presto, my bed was made! It was that easy. Now, I have to remake the bed from scratch everyday, like there was some serious action going on...and I assure you, there was not!

I am making the bed when I get to his side and re-fit the sheets back over the corner of the mattress. This is what I found....

Are you kidding me? Who does that? A ripped sheet? I simply made the bed, shaking my head and laughing a little bit to myself. When he came home, I showed him his "battle scar" and assured him that I would poke some fun at his expense for my next blog post!

How do you win the bedroom battle? I haven't a clue. I accept my partner for who he is and curse his name when I make the bed, pick up the clothes and hang up the damp towel. Most guys aren't very interested in chores (boring), participating in the child rearing (You want me to do what?) or cooking a good meal (Hey, can you show me how to steam the veggies again?). They have better things to do, like work, play and sleep. My guy is no exception. But that's ok. I can be patient (when it doesn't involve crying, screaming children). I have a secret that I know will start happening in a few years. MEN-opause!

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