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Saturday, March 3, 2012

Remote Control Wars.....

Remote control wars. It can be a blood bath of sorts.You come home from a long day, ready to grab that little piece of heaven, when suddenly, WHAM, you get knocked on your ass as your partner launches for the remote control and grabs it from your fingertips! You, in your dazed wonder, try and regain focus as the the stars diminish in front of your eyes, clench your fists in fury and migrate to the other room, too pissed off to say anything.

When I was single, this wasn’t an issue. I didn't have to share, bargain, plead, whine or beg to watch my shows. I had the remote to myself. I basked in the glow of owning that little piece of heaven. No watching separate programs in different rooms. No channel surfing for hours, still not finding that one thing your partner can't seem to make up his/her mind to watch. Just you and the remote......a love story!

After many nights (while in a relationship) watching absolutely nothing but the channel surfing channel, I decided that wasn't going to be my life ever again! Nope. I would figure out a way around it. When I started dating I protected my new found love of remote and didn't want to share it with the wrong person. If I dated someone and brought him back to my place and he grabbed the remote, he was out that door so fast, his heads would spin. Yep, you read that right, his heads would spin!!

That’s why after a few of these moments, dreading the company of these guys, I decided not to share my remote with anyone that didn’t like what I liked. Yep! I wasn’t going to give in either. It made it tough to move beyond a certain point, but remember, I had my trusted list I was wielding above my head to guide me. I was certain I could find a good match for me, but I never again wanted to be bored out of my mind, night after night.

 I have my limits. We all do. How does this dilemma get corrected? Well, you could spike his drink with some sleeping pills so that he knocks off earlier in the evening......say by the time Grey's Anatomy comes on. Or you could tell him that you require at least 10% of the DVR space for your shows and you move them to the top of the priority list without his knowledge. That way, after you knock him out with sleeping pills, you can assume the position with remote control in YOUR hand. You could get another TV and watch all of your shows, but then you're totally screwed if there is more than one show taping. You'll be stuck watching the golf channel....zzzzzzz!

There is no easy solution. You can totally cave in, read a book and pray that he falls asleep, quietly slipping the remote control out of his hand before he wakes up and starts channel surfing again. Groggy channels surfing is no bueno, by the way! You could delete some of his favorite shows "by accident" and take the passive aggressive approach to the remote control war going on in your home.

I took a different approach when I realized this was an area that I was unwilling to cave in. I love football. As a matter of fact, I love most sports. I’d be out with someone and I’d go down my list. “Do you like watching football?” He shakes his head no, while taking a drink. “No? Really? All right, it was good to meet you. Take care!” Next guy. “Do you watch Grey’s Anatomy?” His response, “What’s Grey’s Anatomy?” Deadpan stare…”I have to go. Nice meeting you.” I. Was. Not. Going. To. Budge.

I suppose that's one benefit from break ups. You learn what you can live with and what you can't. I learned that my issue wasn't about controlling the situation, it was about finding compatibility because I'm not good at compromising with things that are important to me. It's much easier for me to be with someone that likes the things I like doing already, then being with someone and pretending I like certain things I really have no interest in. And believe me, I have no interest in becoming a homicidal maniac at 10pm because I can't get my frappin's show on!

I finally found the person I was willing to share my remote with. Thank you sweet baby Jesus! I was starting to wonder if he even existed. Billy, if you happen to read this post (he's only read 2 of 13 - shaking my head!), pay attention because this is where I give you some props dude! Sports Center, check. Football on Sunday, check. The Voice, check. Movies we can agree on, you betcha! It's never a problem with this guy. Ladies, he isn't perfect but he asks me what I want to watch and offers me the remote when he finds himself channel surfing too long. Now, if only I could get him to remember where he last left the remote.......